The Right Word vs. The Wrong Word

                I am much more forgiving of ignorant people these days.  Part of it is because we all can make the occasional grammatical mistake, or find a typo in our work.  And part of it is that I’m more mature than the uptight young girl I used to be who would nearly fall off her chair in frustration when classmates used the wrong word or stumbled along in “out loud reading time,” prompting my first grade teacher to write on my report card that “Joni has a hard time being patient with her peers.”

                And I don’t want to be that person.  I want to see beyond failings in grammar and vocabulary the same way I want patience from techno savvy and athletic people when they realize how far behind the curve I am in those areas.

                But when it comes to writing for a living, you must be a stickler with yourself.  Using the wrong words or the wrong punctuation can cost you work.  Mark Twain once described this as the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.  Similarly, one letter- y- can make tin into tiny, and slim into slimy.  And we all know the vast difference between being holed up in a bank and a bank hold up.

                You simply can’t submit careless mistakes to editors and agents; they’ll see you not only as an amateur, but uneducated—someone whose writing simply won’t measure up, and will cause them untold hours of work, cleaning up your errors.

                So here are some of my top word choice peeves which you can avoid:

                Less and Fewer— “Less” modifies, as in less energetic, less accurate, less successful.  “Fewer” is numerical, as in fewer cavities, fewer accidents, fewer graduates.  You should never say "less cavities," “less accidents” or “less graduates,” yet we hear and see this all the time.

                Farther and Further—“Farther” is sheer distance, as in farther down the road.  “Further” is penetrating, as in further research.  Sports writers, the winner of a race didn’t go further, he went farther.

                Accept and Except – “Accept” is to receive or agree.  “Except” is to exclude.  Never say, “He had flaws but she was very excepting.”  Aaaugh!  Joni falls off chair, gets censured by teacher, which brings us to:

                Censure and Censor – “Censure” is to have been called on the carpet and chastised or criticized for something (politicians are often censured).  “Censor” means something has been removed, such as bad language getting bleeped on television.

                Stationery and Stationary—“Stationery” is what your write with, such as pens and note paper.  “Stationary” means immobile, like a plant.  I once pointed out a sign for “Stationary” at Nordstrom Rack, and the clerk shrugged and said, “Oh, yeah, they know about it.”  Sigh.

                Affect and Effect – “Affect” means to change or make a difference.  “Effect” is the result.  The movie affected her deeply.  The effect was that she cried.

                Horde and Hoard – “Horde” means to collect and store a vast amount of stuff.  A “Hoard” is group or a crowd of people.  But you are welcome to say, “Hoards of people horde food today.”  No, on second thought, don’t say that.  It may be accurate, but it sounds stupid.  Take note, headline writers.

                Compliment and Complement -- “Compliment” means to praise something.  “Complement” improves something.  You compliment someone on their new hat, but the hat itself might not complement them. 

                Faze and Phase – “Faze” means to upset or discourage someone.  “Phase” is a period of time someone goes through.  Don’t be fazed by him; he’s just going through the adolescent phase.

                Ensure and Insure—“Ensure” means to make sure something will happen.  “Insure” means to compensate for damage or loss.  I can’t ensure that your belongings will be safe, but your insurance company can insure you if they get stolen.

                Imply and Infer—“Imply” is to suggest.  “Infer” is to conclude.  There’s a giving and a receiving here.  She can imply that he was late; he can infer that she dislikes tardiness.

                Last, I will give you my very best tip for expanding your vocabulary and increasing your ability to choose the right word.  It is not to look them up.  It is to READ.  Read, read, and read some more.  You will see words in their proper context and understand correct usage if you read.  My dad was a psychologist, a sociologist, and a criminologist.  The latter job often required him to consult with prisoners, felons, and parolees.  The ones who got out of prison and made something of themselves all had one thing in common: Every day that they were incarcerated, they read the editorial pages.  Surprised?  This is where they found the most passionate writing—both in letters to the editor, and in the Op-Ed pieces (on the opposite page, hence the name).   It helped them master the kind of  vocabulary that nailed job interviews when they got out—they sounded smart, plain and simple.  They became more confident speakers and writers.  It can have the same effect on you, so accept this assignment, read further, and ensure your future success.